- if it walks like a duck, and talks like a duck, then it could be a dragon doing a duck impersonation.
- ever noticed that things are so much funnier when you're not supposed to laugh and you know it's so wrong to!
- If swimming is great exercise, explain whales to me?
- Being the youngest child is the biggest compliment ever! Think about it...your parents decided they finally got it right and didn't need to try again! LMAO!
- is thinking that beer is the answer... who cares what the question is!
- Smile uncontrollably and the world smiles with you. Laugh uncontrollably and they'll think your on drugs.
- Why do people put designs on toilet paper? It's not like when they wipe their butt there gonna be like Oh my god! a flower!!
- has 2 mysterious people living in our house... Somebody and Nobody. Somebody did it and nobody knows who!
- What is love? In math, a problem. In history, a battle. In science, it's a reaction. In art, it's a heart.But to me? Love always will and simply be, you.
- I wish life was a remote. Play the easy times. Pause the good times. Fast forward the bullshit. Rewind the memories. =)
- has often looked at people and wondered, "Out of 10 million sperm, you were the fastest?"
- Why in the hell do I have to press 1 for English and be left on hold for ten minutes to ultimately speak to someone who can't speak English
- Some people come into our lives and leave footprints on our hearts :: Others come into our lives and make us wanna leave footprints on their face.
- There's always a little truth behind every "just kidding", a little knowledge behind every "i don't know", a little emotion behind every "i don't care"
- . 3 facts about life: 1 You can't touch all your teeth with your tongue. 2 Your retarded cause you just tried it. 3 Now your smiling cause you're an idiot.
- . Life would be perfect if: Some girls had mute buttons; Some guys had edit buttons; Hard times had fast forward buttons; And Good times had pause buttons =)
- My doctor asked if any members of my family suffered from insanity, I replied, no, we all seem to enjoy it.
- Don't steal, don't lie, don't cheat, don't sell drugs. The government hates competition!
- "It's impossible." said pride."It's risky." said experience."It's pointless." said reason."Give it a try." whispered the heart.
- hhhmmm wouldn't it b good if Ctrl+Alt+Del worked on stupid people lol
- has decided to start having a balanced diet for a change.......a beer in each hand!!!!!
- is sorry he missed what you said, his bullshit filter was switched on
- says how comes we live in a world where a pizza arrives before the police?
- Just had a fight with my alarm clock. It wanted me to wake up, I disagreed. Things got violent. Now the alarm clocks broken and Im wide awake. Not sure who won.
- I sometimes watch birds and wonder "If I could fly who would I shit on?"
- Shot my first turkey yesterday. . scared the shit out of everyone in the frozen food section... It was awesome !!!
- is very very good in bed... I can take 6-8 hours easy, even though I only get 2-3 if I am real lucky... Sleep! Dirty Minded Friends... lol
- 's question of the day: "why is Monday sooooo far away from Friday, and Friday so bloody close to Monday?"
- cursed the bathroom mirror, this morning, for scaring the crap out of him, when he turned the light on.
- id ya ever notice that LIVE backwards is EVIL?!! and LIVED is Devil. creepy huh?
- inks that mornings would be better if they happened in the afternoon
- Yesterday, I didn't forward a chain mail. Today I'm still alive.
- wonders ifanyoneknowswhatthelongstickatthebottom ofthekeyboardisfor?
- knows that when the alarm clock rings the best part of the day is over
- is going to mix youtube, twitter and Facebook into one time consuming site, and he'll call it, http://www.youtwitface.com
- cried today...i heard on the news the government wants to kill all mentally ill people, i thought of you...run my little retard run!
- is wondering if he is too old to run away from home?
- at any given time, .7% of the world's population is drunk, I'm just doing my part to keep that statistic honest!
- when I shut my mouth and turn to walk away, it doesn't mean you've won. It means your stupid ass isn't worth my time.
- How come when you talk to God, it's called praying, but when God talks to you, it's called paranoid schizophrenia?!
- Alcohol screws up your math skills. When sober, 3+2+1=6. But drinking triple + seeing double + being single = WHOLE LOTTA fun.
- I phoned up a call centre, and the automatic message said, "All our advisers are engaged." Congratulations to them all. Now answer the fucking phone.
- If you don't like someone, walk a mile in there shoes. You'll be a mile away from them, and you'll have there shoes :)
- Some people wait their entire life for their ship to come in, not realizing that they are standing in an airport.
- WARNING: Aliens are coming to abduct all the hot and sexy people! I just wanted to tell you goodbye and not to worry you will be safe.
- is so proud of his children no fighting no arguing, they are getting along so well...IN SEPARATE ROOMS!
- just realised MR OWL ATE MY METAL WORM is exactly the same backwards :-0
- Have you ever woken up, after having a dream that you ate the worlds biggest marshmallow,, and your pillow is gone?..
- I sleep better naked...why can't the flight attendant understand this?
- what begins with C ends in T, hairy on the outside and wet on the inside? a coconut u dirty minded filth bag!
- is normal. It's the world around his that's crazy!
- has lost his mind and is not sure he wants to find it. If found, please return it COD and I will pick it up next payday.
- unfortunately is at work...will everybody please refrain from having such a good time during this difficult period...thanks for your co-operation.
- 's Rules... RULE No1: I am always right. RULE No2: if i am wrong please refer to RULE No1.
- OK am not one to brag..but I think I deserve a medal..I Just rescued a beer that was trapped in the fridge!
- : Say this fast- { I, 1, 2, 1/2, 6} *Like* if you get it
- I'm the kind of crazy girl that bumps into chairs and says "Oops excuse Me" Then stops herself and says did i really just talk to a chair?
- I've been trying to workout this week, but it hasn't been working out.
- At 6 min & 7 sec after 5am on the 8th September this year it will be 05:06:07 08-09-10. This won't happen again until year 3010 !!!
- If I won the lottery, I wouldn't be one of those people who immediately quit their jobs. I'd make my boss's life a living hell for a week or two first.
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